How can I stop being resentful towards my mom for having me with my awful father and scarring my life?

Question: How can I stop being resentful towards my mother for having me with my awful dad and scarring my life?
She had me when she was (still) poor and when she was in her 40’s and with a sociopath dude. I try to look past it…but I get resentful at times…
As a kid she would yell at me nearly regularly for things that were out of my control (ex. money problems, being overweight, not being married, being older, etc.). Even when I was tormented for three years in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade for my bad looks/dress and I cried to her about wanting to look normal…she just complained about how she looked…and when I visited a childhood friend for instance, afterwards she would be like, “she is sooo exotic and gorgeous.” and then tell me that I was (pretty much) the opposite. Now I have horrible self-image…even when she gained weight and needed to go on diets she would say, “WE need to diet.” even though I’m size 00. I always think how fat and unsightly I am…
Also…the rest of my family is blonde…but i’m brunette and the color looks awful on me so I have to bleach my hair a bit lighter (my dad had dark hair sooo)
My mother gave me strange motos as a kid such as, “marry a rich man.” and would tell me how awful men were (such as my father) and stuff…so I still have trust issues because of that.
As a kid she prefabricated me visit my dad who wouldn’t even let me have stuffed animals and was in solitary confinement for many years etc…
I wanted to play sports, but she forced me to learn guitar…I appreciate it now…but I still wish I had been granted to do sports instead.
She always had weird people in my life…and forced me to hang out with her friends…like some stalker lady etc.
I did all the home work…as a kid she scared me into doing it by telling me that if I didn’t clean the home that the neighbours would call child services and I would be put in an orphanage and abused.
Anyways…what brought this up again is that i am nearly 19 and finally out of the house…but my acne from when i was 13 is still horrible and my mother always refused taking me to the dermatologist because HER acne as a kid cleared up at around 16/17/18 (it always seemed to change as I grew older)…She doesn’t know about my father/his families skin…I always wonder if his family had awful skin…
Anyways…sometimes I get flash backs and stuff and feel fat and ugly…I know I have distorted self image even though the acne is apparent…my boyfriend’s mother points it out before giving me herbal remedies *sigh*
Sorry for the length and for this being more of a rant…
but seriously…How can I get over this stuff? I still haven’t found a way to do it…Thanks ^^

Best answer:

Answer by Fashion911
you should see a counselor or move in with a friend and you also could try proactive:)) hope i helped:))

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