Can you review my Cover Letter for a Cosmetics Retail Position?

Question: Can you review my Cover Letter for a Cosmetics Retail Position?
This is my first cover letter being written for a retail position. My goal in writing it was to show my excitement and familiarity with the company, but also try and convey some of my skills that are otherwise not presented in my resume. It would be helpful to add any resume “power words” that would coincide with what I’ve written in the cover letter. Thanks so much! Here it goes:

To Whom It May Concern:

My study is ******* ******** and I’m interested in your retail income position. While I don’t have a lot of retail experience, I have a wealth of skills to offer to ******. My friendly exterior and wide experience in communication enables me to get along with customers and ensure satisfaction, while always keeping it a fun and informative process for customers to explore and sample your products. (Should I also include something about my flexibility, punctuality, etc…or is that going to be overload?)

What led me to apply for your position is that I am truly interested in your products and felt at home with your friendly and helpful staff. I know from individualized experience that your building offers an exceptional environment. I first discovered ****** taking a achievement on the Upper West Side and stopped inside because of the beautiful, brightly colored motifs on the windows and the wonderful aroma drifting out the door. It was like no other cosmetics store I had seen before! I couldn’t help but try the products and speak with staff about availability.

Because I am a consumer of organic and handmade cosmetics and cleansers, I am familiar with many of your products and the ingredients. After picking up one of the ****** catalog I learned the true breadth of your line and how effective your products are, treating everything from cystic acne, dry and frizzy hair, and cracked skin! The creativity and care place into your products is something I really can appreciate from both an outsider’s and an insider’s perspective, which absolutely prefabricated me want to become a part of the team. You extensive line of products is both exciting and encouraging for me, because I enjoy presenting new ideas and products to others as well as finding solutions that customers need. Each product is like a work of art, something to be appreciated and represented.

In my free time, I explore homemade options for facial and body care myself, so I am very familiar with many of the organic ingredients in your products and would love to learn more working with the company. I would enable me to explain and present your product line to customers and share useful information about specific soaps, creams, butters, gels, perfumes, and astringents.

ALSO: Does anyone know how to conclude a cover letter…without being too dull. I really want to stand out as an exciting mortal to have on the team…

ANY and ALL advice is GREATLY appreciated!

Best answer:

Answer by Seaneeeee
Ok here goes,
Your first paragraph should state which role you are applying for, why you are interested in it, why they should hire you and how to get hold of you.

IE Your position of Retail xxxx that you recently advertised in xxxxx instantly caught my eye as i have a great passion for your corporation. I have visited several times and really enjoy the experience and feel this fits very well with my skills and experiences i would like to use in my career. I noticed that you would like applications via e-mail or xxx please feel free to ring me to discuss this further on xxxxxxx.

Then move on to the other stuff. most of which is fine. You might need to reword the above as i am used to reading this stuff but not writting it and i am dyslexic.

Your first line, don’t state what you haven’t got, state what you have. “I have a wealth of skill to offer the include x y z” and link them to retail some how. Don’t use fun try amusing as most people really don’t have that much fun actually. Third paragraph you should be your?

80% good so well done for a starter.

Cheers

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